For a while now I've been in Jim Wideman's children's ministry leadership program called Infuse.  It's a six month program with about 20 other kids pastors from all over.  I feel like I've grown and learned a ton of things from it.  One of the things that has really helped me is the two different personality profile tests we have done (PEP and Real Colors). 

I have struggled with self-esteem for my whole life.  My natural inclination is to view anything that happens in a negative light that I probably caused.  Even when good things happen I ignore what was done well and beat myself up over the things that can be improved upon. 

In ministry for example I would get frustrated by my lack of organization and attention to details.  Two things that are really important are things I have to work really hard at.  I would see others who are super detailed and organized and I would be amazed at how easily and natural that came for them.  Then I would beat myself up and tell myself that I was just lazy, not good enough and I should just give up. 

The insight of these two personality tests have given me a new lens to see myself through. Now I no longer see the way I'm wired as a negative, but a reality.  Now I can look at my weakness AND my strengths, see where I am and see where I want to be.  Yes I may be weak in organization and details but I have strengths in compassion and vision. 

Now I feel like I have direction.  While I work on harnessing my strengths to help get us where I feel we should go I'm also paying more attention to the weakness and working on increasing my capability there. 

I want to encourage anyone that might feel the same way that I did to not beat yourselves up anymore.  Identify your strengths and your weaknesses.  Realize that is the way you are wired and work on exploiting those strengths and building up those weaknesses.  Surround yourself with people who are strong in the areas you are weak so you can learn from them.