Pruning

A couple of weeks ago we had a Sunday night service at church with evangelist Gayle Brostowski. It was the first time I've been able to be in an entire service for a while. I was really looking forward to it, Gayle is an awesome preacher.

A note about Gayle. She has a type of bone cancer and seems to be constantly getting see-saw like reports from the doctors. One time it's encouraging others it's less. But her faith and commitment to the gospel remains strong despite this exhausting battle her body rages. She continues to be an inspiration to myself and countless others. 

During that service I felt The Lord speak to my heart. He told me that I was entering a season of pruning. I immediately went to John 15:2 where Jesus says, "He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. (John 15:2 NLT)" Not the most encouraging of scriptures at first glance. 

The Lord gave me a heads up on the process He was leading me through. He gave me a viewpoint to look at the next couple of personally trying weeks from. Yes they have been difficult. Yes they have been emotionally and physically exhausting. But the purpose is to reshape me so I can me more effective at this incredible calling He has for my life. 

I've been rejected and ignored. But realized I was looking to the wrong source for approval (2 Corinthians 10:18). I've opened up and been more vulnerable than I have in years. But in doing so more of the heart Christ has given me has been brought to the service. 

I have no clue where I am in this pruning season. I have a feeling it's still at the beginning. But I know, without a shadow of doubt, that the purpose is to be more like Him, so I can do more for Him. 

It's funny how we expect the will of God to be filled with warm fuzzies. That's not always the case, just ask Gayle. But there is a peace. A peace in knowing that there is a purpose to this all. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

For a while now I've been in Jim Wideman's children's ministry leadership program called Infuse.  It's a six month program with about 20 other kids pastors from all over.  I feel like I've grown and learned a ton of things from it.  One of the things that has really helped me is the two different personality profile tests we have done (PEP and Real Colors). 

I have struggled with self-esteem for my whole life.  My natural inclination is to view anything that happens in a negative light that I probably caused.  Even when good things happen I ignore what was done well and beat myself up over the things that can be improved upon. 

In ministry for example I would get frustrated by my lack of organization and attention to details.  Two things that are really important are things I have to work really hard at.  I would see others who are super detailed and organized and I would be amazed at how easily and natural that came for them.  Then I would beat myself up and tell myself that I was just lazy, not good enough and I should just give up. 

The insight of these two personality tests have given me a new lens to see myself through. Now I no longer see the way I'm wired as a negative, but a reality.  Now I can look at my weakness AND my strengths, see where I am and see where I want to be.  Yes I may be weak in organization and details but I have strengths in compassion and vision. 

Now I feel like I have direction.  While I work on harnessing my strengths to help get us where I feel we should go I'm also paying more attention to the weakness and working on increasing my capability there. 

I want to encourage anyone that might feel the same way that I did to not beat yourselves up anymore.  Identify your strengths and your weaknesses.  Realize that is the way you are wired and work on exploiting those strengths and building up those weaknesses.  Surround yourself with people who are strong in the areas you are weak so you can learn from them.